


everything to me

by tangomarine



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I’m sorry these are sad af, McPoptarts is my brotp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:24:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18639901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangomarine/pseuds/tangomarine
Summary: Most people have multiple people that they trust. Some people don’t trust anyone. Connor McKinley trusts one person - only one - fully, and that’s Christopher ‘Poptarts’ Thomas.So what does he do when Poptarts isn’t there anymore?





	everything to me

**Author's Note:**

> while I don’t really ship mcpoptarts, I do love the idea of ‘Connor can’t really open up but he opens up to poptarts’. also, ‘they’re best friends like Kevin and Arnold’ is one of my fave HCs come at me bro

Looking back, Kevin should have sensed what was going on the moment McKinley walked in, covered in blood. He’d had an inkling that something was deeply wrong, but seeing someone walk in with blood all down his front and start crying should have immediately clued him in to what was happening. After all, McKinley had been splashed with a lot of blood.  
His shirt and tie were soaked with it, and there were crimson streaks drying across his face, clinging to his eyelashes, clumping in his hair. Kevin had been bloodied before, but that was merely a splatter. This was as if McKinley had hugged a dead body to his chest.  
His blue eyes were wide and sort of empty in a way that sent chills down Kevin’s spine. They were blank, like everything inside him had been sucked out, leaving only a shell with eyes like burned-out lightbulbs. Glassy, like a stuffed leopard head mounted on a wall.  
Like something dead.  
He walked right into him, then blinked as if just realizing Kevin was even there.  
“Oh my gosh!” Elder Church cried. “Are you okay?” McKinley nodded slowly.  
Then he crumpled to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. It was like a kick in the gut.  
Kevin had seen McKinley at bad moments. Not the worst ones - McKinley was the type to hide his pain from others - but pretty bad ones. He had seen him after particularly bad hell dreams, when he looked scared and broken, like he didn’t believe he was worth saving, or even worthy of living. Kevin knew for a fact that McKinley had the dreams every night, and that they were horrible - he had overheard Poptarts talking to Church and occasionally McKinley himself about how bad they got. He’d met McKinley at night, knowing that he’d just woken from a nightmare, looking pale and sick. He had seen him after letters and phone calls from his family in Ohio, just after their excommunication, where he looked like he wanted to die. But he had never seen McKinley cry, nor had he even heard of such a thing. McKinley didn’t cry. He just didn’t.

Or that’s what Kevin thought. Clearly, he did.

Because McKinley was curled on the hardwood floor, shaking with quiet sobs. Kevin knelt next to him, grabbing his shoulder, more than a little scared. McKinley was composed in every sense of the word. He did not fall apart - if he did, no one was allowed to witness it. But McKinley was quite literally in hysterics, and Kevin was sort of panicking.  
“Hey,” he said, “are you okay? What’s wrong?”  
McKinley didn’t look up. “I’m sorry-“ He took a shuddering breath. “My fault - it was my fault, I’m sorry, I was so naïve, so goddamn stupid-“  
“Hey-“  
“I convinced him, I’m the reason he’s dead, I should have died instead, it should have been me-“  
A jolt of cold fear ran through him. “What?”  
“It should have been me!” McKinley screamed. “He was too young, too caring - he was too fucking good to die!”  
Kevin recoiled. McKinley never cursed. He had seen him snap when he was angry, but this was a whole new level. “What do you mean?” he managed. “Who’s dead?”  
McKinley started crying again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“  
It was Davis that spoke up first. “Didn’t McKinley leave with Poptarts?”  
A cold silence settled over them, broken only by McKinley’s soft sobs.  
Poptarts was dead.  
That explained McKinley’s reaction - Poptarts had been his closest friend. Now he was gone, and McKinley was hysterical.

Then he was quiet; he didn’t so much as look anyone in the eye for weeks afterward.

Then he was dead too; wrists slit, bled out on the hardwood with a note beside him that just said, ‘I’m so sorry.’  
Kevin never really felt the same after that.

**Author's Note:**

> ok I know it was sad feel free to drag me  
> there will be more  
> be prepared  
> I was just feeling edgy  
> please comment I crave validation


End file.
